Catching up again...

 Sigh...  It's been a while.  Lots has happened.  Let me list them.

1) The twins FINALLY went home the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  Three and a half months of toddlers in the house!  Even though it's been 3 weeks since, I still have fingerprint smudges on my living room windows and babyproofing all over the house unless Leon gets sick of it and yanks them off.

Left to right: Nova, her dad, Luke, Ryan.

2) Matthew moved to town a month ago and now 98% of their stuff is here.  He's learning the ropes of a new library and figuring out how to balance work, the apartment and dogs.  Maddy moves here Christmas day!  I've been walking the dogs during the weekdays in the afternoons and checking out books from HIS library instead of ours.

3) Now that the twins were gone, I was able to get into my sewing room and while it still has the decor from when Maddy and Meri shared it 15 years ago, my sewing stuff and fabrics are all around me.  I feel like I'm home.  With Christmas music on the boombox, I can make this work!  I started work on the wedding dress sampler and then panicked because Christmas is already the weekend after this. YIKES!  So I put the bride on hold until after January 1st.  Which is fine because she's moving on 12/30 anyway...  I'm sure she's busy.

Here is what I've done so far.  I need to redo the bodice so it's more low cut tho.

Here's what we're shooting for on the skirt.

4) I started a Widow sisterhood group on FB for my part of Iowa and have 12 members so far!  4 of us met at a local hospice grief support group and are a tight knit group now.  No one else was able to get together for our Christmas brunch so just the 4 of us met.  It was a wonderful time.  No one understands certain things like another widow.  These are my tribe.

5) I hosted my side of the family Thanksgiving at a local hall and we had 72 people.  Robb usually did the turkeys, but my cousin Scott stepped up and offered to be "THE" turkey guy from now on.  

It was a wonderful day, but at the same time exhausting emotionally and physically.  Meri and I had a sobbing fest in a back corner of the kitchen during the talent show, where my sisters just joined into a big group hug and cried along with us.  One aunt gave me permission to remarry someday. 

Um...no thank you...

And then I got up early the next day and put together Robb's breakfast casseroles for the traditional "breakfast after Thanksgiving" meal for those relatives who hadn't left town yet.

My aunts car conked out and she has one of my cars until hers get fixed.  I'm told it's today but am not sure.  Hers needed a new engine and she had to get back to Omaha with her husband and daughter.

6) Between me and my awesome sister-in-law, we hosted Robb's side of the family at a different local hall.  That day was exhausting as well but a lot of fun too.  As I helped Cathy unload her car with her family, I noticed a full frozen solid turkey in one of her boxes.  Um Cathy???  Is THIS the turkey we're serving in 2 hours?...  Thankfully it wasn't.  She organized some turkey bowling on the yard of the hall with actual bowling pins and this frozen turkey for the ball.  The kids had a blast although I never saw any of it. DARN!  and NO ONE got pictures of the event...

7) My garage got organized a bit

8) My garage got filled up more with plans for more stuff stored.  Maybe that's my winter project to filter out stuff to give away.  We'll see.  I still have item #3 and 5 bridesmaid dresses to hammer out before June.  So the garage might go by the wayside until then.

It always does...

9) Meri and I are still working out most mornings but today when she got home from it, she called in tears.  She'd just cut her thumb open and there was blood everywhere.  So she drove over to me and I bandaged her up.  Then I called First Nurse to find out what she should do while she ran back home to turn off the bathtub she'd left running.  I'm so glad she lives in the same small town!  She was convinced that she'd need stitches, but after getting her all cleaned up and bandaged and after the call with First Nurse, she might just check with Urgent care later this morning and see about getting a tetanus booster shot.

We're not working out tomorrow but she IS coming over for a rebandaging session and probably breakfast. 

10) The funeral home that handled Robb's send off invited me to an open house today and I had to RSVP.  They have an ornament for us to commemorate Robb!  Not sure if it has his name on it or not but it will be a bittersweet addition to our Christmas tree.  

11) I couldn't find the star that Meri made in kindergarten this year, so after some digging around and an idea from a FB widow group that I belong to, I put Robb's bagpipe cap on top.  It's a little crooked but that's ok.

12) 3 of the toilets that were original with the house all started leaking in the tanks this fall.  A friend replaced the guts of one a month ago and then I called a plumber for the 2nd.  The very day after the 2nd was fixed, I heard the 3rd start refilling every few minutes.  SERIOUSLY?  Those little flaps in the toilets only last for 28 years and have an actual expiration date.  The 4th toilet in our house was replaced at Robb's request a few years after we moved here so I give it 3 more years before it does the same thing.  Checking into a yearly service plan with a plumbing company because cripes.

13) I have been a canning fool lately.  Also found out that Leon doesn't like any of the stuff I'm canning.  Well, he might the chili but he only eats that at Halloween.  I've got canned goods tucked in every nook and cranny of this house.  Jen asks about black beans or stew every now and then so SOMEONE appreciates it!  And I'm finding it pretty handy too.

14) One of Robb's close friends from college died exactly 9 months after Robb did.  He never married, no kids.  My sister and her husband were good friends of his in the Chicago area and they attended the funeral with me.  Us and two other college friends were the youngest people there.  I'm so glad we went!  It would be such a heartbreak to bury one of your own children.  He had been living in Wisconsin and was buried in Iowa so a lot of his friends from Wisconsin weren't able to make it.  We almost didn't hear about it until it was too late.

Dave was a good Christian man.  I know Robb is showing him all the cool places in heaven. :)

15) We're expecting another Derecho wind storm today.  The small generators that can jump start a car OR charge your phone are plugged in.  I got them for Robb last Christmas.  If we lose power again, I think we can plug the fridge and deep freezer into it.  Or at least charge our phones.

16) With the twins gone, the REALLY busy-ness of my life calmed down a bit.  I guess God decided that I had needed a break from my grief.  It worked.  But please don't send any more babies to me right now!!!  I am missing Robb a lot and will the rest of my life.  Having to make all the decisions and payments on things is really tough. Not being able to see him or get him quick on the phone to tell him about all the things is even tougher.  And when I see a picture of him, I remember how his hair felt under my fingers.  That's when it really gets me.  He doesn't live here anymore.

Heaven gained a beautiful soul.

I attended a Grief Share Surviving the Holidays with my widow core friends and it was very helpful.  One of the tips was make a list of all that you want to get done for the holidays and if you decided that something isn't going to get done, mark it off.  If things don't get done, they don't get done. 

And that's ok.

My house is the darkest on the block.  The only lights you see from the road is the leg lamp in the front window.  and that's ok.