Friday Funnies - cause boy we need em!

The things children write in essays...

His mother, being immortal, had died.

We were trapped in a blazing car, but luckily enough a river was passing by.

As she went through her wardrobe, she found a scorpion in her drawers, she rose quickly.

I quickly glanced at the grandfather clock in my waistcoat pocket.

Clowns tie their trousers with string which, when it is pulled, shows a hair-raising scene.

A cigarette hung out of the corner of her eye.

It was about dusky when I aroused from my slumble.

After several years his business began to flush.

Big flies were hoovering all round the room.

Some people can tell the time by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Romeo and Juliet tell each other how much they are in love in the baloney scene.

You must love you neighbour even if you hate him.

The greatest miracle was when Joseph told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

Whenever David played to Saul the latter kept a javelin handy.

If David had one fault it was a slight tendency to adultery.

A parable is a heavenly story with no earthly meaning.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Saddam and Gomorrah were twins.

Jesus enunciated the golden rule which says to do one to others before they do one to you.

A martyr is something like a bachelor.

The Great Flood was sent because of the large numbers of dirty people.
Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. He built an ark, which the animals came onto in pears.

Jesus cured Peter’s mother-in-law when she was sick of a fever, and Peter swore and went out and wept bitterly.

Who was sorry when the Prodigal son returned? The fatted calf.

An oboe is an American tramp.

Trigonometry is when a lady marries three men at the same time.

Caviar is the eggs of a surgeon.

Have a great weekend everyone!