Wanting Memories

Wow, it's been a while!  Not a lot of sewing done...  And neither Meri nor I got into AGT.  But that's ok.  The odds were not in our favor.

But I've been spending every Saturday and the odd night during the week over with Mom.  So this post will be hard to write.  

Last week, we were on a lot of Facetime calls with Mom and Dad, and various siblings.  The time was close and we knew it.  Mom had been unconscious most of the week already, but we used our facetime calls to sing to her, pray with her and let her know that we loved her.  

On Friday morning, after two of my sisters and my dad had been with her 24/7 for a good chunk of the week, they were all exhausted.  I couldn't bear the thought of Mom being there alone in case she passed away and no one was there.  I dropped all and went.  I figured I'd still have my afternoon meeting from the nursing home and talk to my boss about work stuff then.  I brought Dad some lunch and after we ate together in front of Mom, I went to my meetings.  

I explained some work stuff to my boss and asked his advice.  He said, "Where are you?  Why are you there? What are you talking to me for? Your parents need you.  Can't this wait until later next week?"  Well, yes it can!  I was feeling too responsible and felt it needed to get discussed.  My priorities were a bit skewed.  I have a great boss.

So I spent the rest of the day talking with Dad. 

Found out about his best memory with Mom (their wedding day) and we even watched a little Jeopardy after supper.  But then Dad was tired too and I knew that recliner was not going to cut it for him for the night.  again...  So he went home.    He didn't want to but knew that he needed sleep.  He was planning on coming back at midnight but accidentally took his sleepy pills at bedtime and wasn't going to be able to drive until 3am, upon which time, he finally fell asleep.

Somewhere around 4am, I decided what was the point of trying to get any more sleep.  Every time I woke during the night, I watched an episode of a dumb dumb show that I've got queued up on Netflix and then I was able to get my mind clear enough to sleep a little bit longer.  The recliner was positioned in such a way that if I threw my hips out on the right, I could relax on a pillow and still have my hand on Mom's arm.

Around 6am, I started playing Youtube videos for Mom to listen to.  Mostly choir videos that Meri and Maddy had performed in.  One especially took my breath away as it reminded me of her a lot.  It's below.

I ran out of videos and after the nurse checked her vitals around 7:15, I asked Mom (without expecting an answer) what shall we do next?  Shall I read to you?  I found her tattered and worn Bible sitting on the bed stand behind the recliner.  I got comfy, took Mom's hand and started reading from John 1:1, which is the loveliest passage that I could think of.  

In the Beginning was the Word.  And the Word was with God and the Word was God....

and I just kept on reading.  Mom's breathing was in the background as I read.  As I got about half way into chapter 6, the feeding of the 5000, I suddenly realized that I wasn't hearing Mom's breathing anymore.  Up to this point, she was waiting about 30 seconds between breaths, but as I stopped reading and looked at her expecting her to take a deep breath, I realized that I may have missed her last.  Oh Mom...

She left this life doing the exact thing that gave her life meaning.

I knew she wasn't there anymore but she was getting reacquainted with her parents and meeting Jesus face to face in heaven.  I know I should be happy for her and I am. 
But there are still a lot of tears to go with my family and her memories.  

I messaged my siblings first and a sister brought my Dad over within 10 minutes.  Two other sisters arrived about the same time.  The aides were great and brought us coffee while we had our last visiting session with Mom present (but not).  Dad was hit the hardest of this group.  He had wanted to be there when she passed.  And even though he's had a good long time to prepare for it, it still shocked him anyway.  That fact added on to the fact that he'd had about 3 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours, wasn't good for him either.  His doctor prescribed him something strong to get some sleep that afternoon.    Poor Dad.

Eventually we all said our goodbyes to Mom and left her in the hands of the aides to get her ready for the next step.   And I headed home to get my family ready for a funeral.

And I'm wanting more memories with my mom.