I loved Erma Bombeck when I was a teenager. I laughed and laughed at her books, thinking "how ridiculous yet profound!" As I grew up, it became "how profound but yet ridiculous!"
Robb can't stand her, mainly because of her darker humor and dark cynicism in her later years. I prefer to remember her humor in "It's always greener over the septic tank" or "If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?" I have just about all of her earlier books from my youth and have read them all a few times over the years.
So... in her memory, quotes from Erma Bombeck that speak to me today.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Never go to a doctor's office, whose plants have died.
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
When your mother asks you if you want a piece of advice, it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Hellen Keller is the other.
Never lend a car to anyone to whom you've given birth.
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
One of these speaks more to me today than the others, but they're all gold...
3 comments:
I remember her well. In the summers, my mother and whatever kids were up used to watch her spot on Good Morning America (I think.) My mother bought the earlier books, but my parents refused to buy any more when her commercial for the book said something like "Give it somebody you really care about, or give it to your wife."
Our local paper had her column 3 times a week when I was a kid. We were horrified that our mom would wear our old girl scout socks to run carpool then go to the grocery store. About a week after we ragged mom for doing it her article was about wearing the same and how embarrassed her kids were. We always swore she followed Mom around for article inspiration.
I love her quotes and have read quite a few, but never a whole book. I do need to do that! Have you ever listened to Jerry Clower? His is definitely Southern humor. I have The Coon Huntin' Story on a 45 from my childhood that was my daddy's. Ethan listens to him on YouTube. One of our favorites is Bird Huntin' at Uncle Versie's. Think Andy Griffith from deeper South. ;)
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