Sunday, March 7, 2021

Crazy, Handful, Hopeful

 I've been talking to God and Robb in the car a lot lately. 

God doesn't mind, in fact, He wants me to talk to Him.  AND I know Robb can't hear me and I'm glad because he'd say KNOCK IT OFF! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!  
But it's therapeutic to my soul.  

I used to IM him all the time with funny things or just to tell him something new that happened and would get a response, feedback or even just a :) right away.  Can't anymore.  So I talked for 45 minutes straight and told him everything in the car after dropping off Leon on Friday afternoon.  All my concerns, gripes, happy things, cost of the funeral, who wants his old work shirts, everything.  It's too cold to talk to him at the cemetery but I suddenly get my MILs penchant for talking to her late husband every time we pass the cemetery.  You can see his grave stone from the road.

Oh, I decided on Friday to make a memory with Leon.  Since he's been at his mom's every weekend since just before this started, I realized how much I missed him too.  During the week, I've been so busy and now with work and him with school.  The weekend is my time to unwind, relax and hangout with him more.  We did go on a walk last week but it was only one. 

 He stomped through the snow 

the remaining snow that is.  It's mostly gone now.

and added steps to his step counter by walking all over an empty muddy ball diamond.


So over a very late lunch hour on Friday, 

I took him to a favorite kids play area with bouncy houses then finished my work at a table while he ran around making friends, falling out with new said friends, bounced down the blow up slides and begged me for quarters.


He was so sweaty after 10 minutes of running around...
but he had so much fun.
Practically had the place to himself for the first 40 minutes or so except for a few REALLY little kids.

As soon as it was 5, I zipped up my laptop bag and he and I played air hockey.  I kicked his butt.  He wasn't happy but that's ok.  I've played air hockey approximately 45 years longer than he has...  and he realized that.  Do the math kid.  He played with several other littles that were quite willing to play a free game until I heard him holler "You CHEATED!" 

sigh.  time to go.

Thankfully he and I were over it by the time we got to the car and we enjoyed the rest of our time together before I dropped him off.  

It's been a kind of quiet weekend.  Robb's sister came up by noon from Missouri and helped me do 95% of the remaining thank you notes!  Wow...  and once we realized that the new Thank You notes didn't fit into the remaining envelopes, we called it a day.  I've got more to do, but decided to type up the rest of them and cut them to fit the cards, cutting the cards to fit the envelopes... or just break down and buy some more cards that have an entirely different size requirement.  

Vicious cycle.

I've been contemplating starting a new blog called Letters to Robb.  Making it private for only me and without any hope of him seeing it.  I don't want to continue bumming people out on here.

Life is going on but Robb-less.  and that is not fun, nor what I signed up for.

Meri and I are briefly attending a birthday party later this morning for one of her daycare kids and then a late lunch with her and Shub after church.  THEN tonight, she and I are attending our first Griefshare support group.  I need to be around people who are in the same boat.  I'd been looking around for one but would have to drive 20-40 minutes to join up but then my hairdresser sent me the contact info for a woman who lives in my town!  I called her and the next/first session is today!  In town! YAY!  

God is taking care of us.  

and boy oh boy, we are a handful.  

2 comments:

Practical Parsimony said...

I am glad to hear from you no matter what. I thought my kids should learn by losing at his age..lol. Then, there will be the day he will consistently beat you. It happens. But, you know that. I laughed because he doesn't.

It is good you are able to process all this. More hugs.

Anne in the kitchen said...

I think talking to God and Robb is good for your soul. Last night I talked to Mom for a couple of hours, and it helped.
I know you are traveling unfamiliar territory and I know it is pain filled, but you are so lucky to have your kids to travel the path with you.
Glad you and Leon had a fun day!

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